The Tail Of Mr Tibbles
by Nacasara
Summary: PG13 because of some crude sexual humor. Based on the true life expiriances of me and my mates, and, (A/N1) is danielle (A/N2) is me and (A/N3) is Melissa. The Marauders go on an adventure to find Mr. Tibbles, who has been kiddnapped by killer Vegitititit
1. Episode I: And Now For Something Complea...

And Now For Something COMPLETELY Different By Padfoot and Prongs, and none by Moony, (but we added her in anyway)  
  
"Coooooooocoooooooo!" called Padfoot. "What in the dickens are you doing?" yelled Moony. "Calling his pigeon friends, of course, Moony, ol' chap," coursed Prongs.  
  
"What th-" But soon, Padfoot and the rest were covered with pigeons. "ARENT THEY DARLING??!!" The pessimistic werewolf and the infatuated stag just rolled their eyes, but soon, before they could shoo the pigeons away, along came Mr. Tibbles, Moony's cat, (who could talk and had recently returned from the giant litter box in the sky.) "Heelo der, chappies." Meowed Mr. Tibbles. "MR. TIBBLES!!!!" Cried Moony, in a rather nancy-ish voice, rushing to him and causing all the pigeons to burst into sudden flight. "MEEEEEEENNNYYYYY!!!!" cried the rather drunk, Scottish-sounding cat, leaping into the air. There was a strange aura-ish dreamy-thingy surrounding their bodies as they ran, arms open, towards eachother, when suddenly. CRASH!!!!!!!! Mr. Tibbles had, obviously jumped harder and longer and less accurate they he had meant to, as he missed Moony by a foot and soared out the open window. "MEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWW " howled Mr. Tibbles, falling 78 floors down. Moony, on the other hand, had fared much worse. He had run head-long into a closet where they stowed the killer socks and pants with murderous tendencies. An evil grin on his face, Padfoot ran to the closet and shut and locked it with lighting speed. A few bumps at first, then some clawing, and finally, screaming and flagitious laughter came from the vile garments. But then. suddenly. One of Padfoot's pigeons flew into the room, a note tied to its leg. Padfoot and Prongs, rapidly became more interested with the bird then their friend in the closet. Padfoot reached up and grabbed the note as the pigeon pecked him at the hand then flew over to Prongs and did a major download on his head. "ICKY!!" screamed Padfoot, looking over. "DOUBLE ICKY!!!" exclaimed Prongs, trying to get it out of his hair (with no avail) Padfoot then looked down at the note.  
  
Beware of the vegitititables! P.s.and dessert  
  
"What'dya suppose that means?" spaketh Prongs. "Why, my dear Watson, I haveth not any idea.ith", said the hopeless Padfoot. "IM NOT HOPELESS!!!" cried Padfoot, shaking his *ahem* finger at the ceiling. "Aye! Whose ee talkin ta?" asked the pigeon. "We've been trying to figure that one out for years!", said Prongs the genius. "AND HE " Padfoot pointed at Prongs, "IS NOT A GENIUS!!!! YOU 3@$+@rd$!!!!!!!" Thus, the authors got a wee bit ticked. Thus, Padfoot now had bunny ears. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *evil laughter from the heavens* As Padfoot continued wailing, Prongs remembered with a jolt that the attire was still devouring Moony. Thus, he walked, rather slowly, over to the closet and opened it up. A rather haggard Moony spilled onto the floor. "Hi." Said Prongs. "Wehehehehehehehe" cried Moony, in pain. Prongs, finally, with difficulty managed to beat off the remaining apparel and close the closet. Prongs then saw a sock on Moony's buttocks and got the prybar and was about to beat it when the sock moved an inch and Prongs walloped Moony's rear, but then, Moony felt immense pain, as gases bubbled up in his stomach, and let out a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong wet fart., After about 5 minutes, Prongs looked out at Moony from his shelter behind the desk, only to discover that the werewolf had blown a large hole in his pants, AND that the sock had been burnt to a crisp. "MY GAWD!" "ummm. sorry?" said Moony. "THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!!" cried Prongs. "Nifty" said Padfoot. "I'd give it a 9 out of ten." "WHAT THE!!!??" "I've had better." "HAVE NOT!!" "Yes, but our dear Prongs here STILL holds the record!" Prongs smiled proudly.  
  
"Yes, indeed. I think I was the only person to knock an entire Slytherin Qudditch team unconscious." The other two applauded. Padfoot then took his inhaler out of his pouch and took a long breather. "OH!!!", said Padfoot. "That hit the spot!" "Where's Mr. Tibbles, my baby muffin?", asked the whimpering werewolf. "Well" murmured Prongs "See.um.. he kinda.riiight." He looked at Padfoot. "shooooooooooooo" he whistled, making a hand motion like someone jumping. "POOF!!!" The falling hand hit the other, which was obviously the ground and seemed to *SPLAT*  
  
"MR.TIBBLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Prongs looked at Padfoot, who hung his head. "We're sorry, Moons."  
  
"MY BABY PLUM SUGAR MUFFIN!!!!!!!" Padfoot snickered. In a bolt of lightning, Moony was on top of him, wrestling him to the ground. "MERCY!!!!" cried Padfoot, wailing in the agony of the werewolf's killer, super human strength. After several minutes of continues beating, Prongs finally managed to pry the Lyropcusy-victim off with a 2-by-4. "Stop that! Stop that!" said Prongs in a Monty-Python-ish-King-Of The Swamp Castle-voice Wait a tick.. Where'd they get the 2-by-4? "We pulled it out of Moony's nose" replied Padfoot "We?" asked Moony. "Never mind. The authors just wanted to know where we-" GET ON WITH IT! "Oh. right."  
  
"By the way," said Moony "you guys wouldn't happen to have anything to wipe my butt with, would you? the fart was a wee bit chunky." "All I have here is this note that a pigeon brought us, and a flat squirrel, said Prongs. "I'll take the note", said the reluctant werewolf. "Yeah alright", Prongs handed him the note with the message of doom from the salad on it. "What's it say, anyway?" Moony asked. "Something about killer vegitititables and dessert." Replied Padfoot. "WHAT??!!!" remembering how his nights as a child were haunted by visions of Mr. Tibbles being brutally murdered by vegitititables and a Giant Cheesecake. "Some people are just so loony, aren't they?" asked Padfoot. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" "You say that a lot, don't ya, Moons?" "Uh. yep." He then told this heart-wrenching story to his friends: "When I was a youngling, I used to have horrible nightmares about Mr. Tibbles being brutally murdered by killer vegititititables, and a Giant Cheesecake. It haunted me for.for..soo long, but then Mr. Tibbles was hit by a semi-truck 2 times and I was relived because I knew he wouldn't have to suffer such a terrible fate-" "YOU SAID YOU THOUGHT HE WASN'T DEAD! LIAR!" "But I-" "LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!..literally!" Prongs and Padfoot danced around him, jigging as was their fashion, then they went into what was unmistakably a Hobbit-Dance. "Stop that! Stop that!" cried Moony in a rather Month-Python-ish voice. They commenced with his order. "Continue." Said Padfoot, waving two fingers loopily as a king might do to his servent. "Anyway, I don't think that Mr. Tibbles went *SPLAT*. I think he might have been captured by the Killer Vegitititables." "I LIKE TO FART!" yelled Prongs. "We know Prongs. We know." Said Moony. "That'll do pig, that'll do." Said Padfoot in a soothing voice.  
  
"We can ride on broomsticks to get to the place where Mr.Tibbles is being held captive", suggested Prongs. "Good idea". Said the person named Padfoot who still had bunny ears, "but there still is one problem, Moony and I don't have broom sticks, and will you please get these Friggen bunny ears off me!! Well to tell you the truth, the authors didn't want to do this because they liked the pain that Padfoot was going through (except for one particular author), and so they decided until Padfoot could prove that he was sorry, he would still have the bunny ears. *Sigh* from down below. Then all of a sudden, Padfoot's teeth began to grow until they were about two inches in length. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", screamed Padfoot. "KODAK MOMENT", cried Moony thinking pay back time! He grabbed the nearest camera (which had just zoomed to him upon the back of a flying badger) and quickly with lightning speed (sound familiar"?) took a picture that developed instantly. "wait. we don't HAVE a flying Badger." (A1/N Who said it was YOURS?!) "LEMME SEE" said Prongs as Moony ripped the picture out of the slot. The photograph had a picture of Padfoot that was moving and was pounding his feet quite a lot. "Don't worry", said Prongs, "I have a make your own broomstick kit, it only makes 1, but I have two of those kits, so it should be just fine". "Nifty" said Moony, "Maybe a bit too nifty, but you don't see me complaining, let's get crackin." So they began making their broomsticks. Moony's turned out reeeeeaaaaaalllllllllyyyyyy wiiiiiiiiiiccccccckkkkkkkeeeeeeeed!!, but Padfoot's on the other hand turned out to be bent stick, with a bunch of twigs on the end. And so the friends got on their broomsticks and Padfoot's let out a long puff of smoke, along with an excruciating nasty smell. "It FARTed" said Padfoot "IT SPEAKES!" cried Prongs. So, they flew out the crashed window that Mr. Tibbles had only so recently flew out of. James and Moony seemed to be having a lot of fun on their broomsticks but Padfoot didn't seem to be having any fun because, his broom kept swerving, and second, he kept falling off, so James had to keep rushing down and saving him. In a little more than an hour, they reached a rather nice place that was made of candy. Padfoot having no thought what so ever, took a large bite out of the unusually large lemon drop right next to a large ginger bread house that had a mint flavored frosting on it. Padfoot then started getting stripes on his skin. "Why does it always have to be me?", he whined (A1/N: maybe because, us up here don't like you because you are an annoying little worm.) Ouch", mused Padfoot (A2/N. I LIKE HIM) (A3/N SHUT UP YOU!) "Will you stop bickering up there!, Moony yelled at the authors and at Padfoot, "Oh great, now I am talking to the sky!!!" (A1/N told ya he would get mad at us!) (A3/N We got ya covered!) (A2/N . IN TAPIOCA PUDDING!) (A1/N .riiiiight.) The fog all blew away, and they now saw.  
  
  
  
TBC. in the next episode. 


	2. Episode II: And Now for Something REALLY...

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING REALLY DIFFERENT EPISODE 2  
  
The fog blew away and they saw. (A2/N WHAT DID THEY SEE?) (A3/N hush up and you'll find out) (A1/N Yeah, Sam. Shut up and wait) (A2/N BUT I DON'T WANT TA WAIT!) (A1/N *looks to A3* What DO they see?) Moony looked up to the heavens. "WELL ARENT YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW?! YOU ARE THE BLOODY AUTHORS!" (A3/N oh right.) The fog blew away and they saw.  
  
SIR KEVIN  
  
Now, Kevin was your ordinary knight. He was fat, dumb, bald, lazy and quite the slob, just like all the other knights, though he often tried to cover it up with lies of momentous doings (in his spare time. He also was an elevator operator).  
  
"ARRRRR ME HEARTIES!" cried Kevin, perched on top of his valiant, noble, sloppy, lazy, dumb, dole, DONKEY.  
  
"What?" asked Moony. "Would you mind spelling that out for me?" asked the confuzzled Padfoot. "FEART!" cried Prongs. Kevin, Padfoot, Moony and Kevin's steed all looked to Prongs. "It just seemed like the right thing to say at the time" Prongs shrugged. (A3/N what does Feart mean anyway?) (A2/N Search me.) (A1/N Here? Right now?) (A2/N NO! I'm not carrin anything legal) (A3/N Don't you mean 'anything Illegal?) (A2/N No. I mean 'anything legal') Anyway.  
  
Moony looked to Kevin. "Have you perhaps seen a cat being carried off by killer vegititititables? Or perhaps a cheesecake?" "Arr, if ye be searchin' far a CAT bein carried by a MOOSE, I know where ta look!" "He was bein carried by a moose?" "Uh. I never heard anything about a moose." "Nay. 'ee was being carried by a MOOSE!" "Oh, you mean a MOOSE!!?" asked Padfoot. "Nay, I mean a MOOSE!" "But you just said-" Kevin took out a piece of paper and wrote something. "YOU SICKO!" said Prongs. "IAM ASHAMED TO STAND IN YOUR PRESENCE!" said Padfoot. Kevin's steed turned to them with wide eyes. "I LIKE PRESANTS!" They all stared at the donkey for a moment, then looked back to Kevin. "Really, Padfoot. You cuss much more than that!" Kevin looked at his writing, then, realizing his mistake, he turned it upside down. It said "CUCUMBER" "Oh."  
  
"What's your donkeys name, anyway?" asked Moony as they had a spot of tea with Kevin and his steed. "Nullify." He replied. "Say what?" asked Prongs. "WHAT!" said Padfoot. "Nullify is his name." "DICTIONARY HOBBIT!" cried Moony. A small Hobbit entered.  
  
"If you press A and B together, then a FIREBALL will appear-" "NO!!!!" cried Padfoot. "MY FINGERS ARE TOO SHORT TO REACH A AND B TOGETHER!!!!" "No no, PaddyJ. We need the Dictionary Hobbit. Not the Video Game Help Hobbit." The Video Game Help Hobbit hung its head then ran off. Moment's later Dictionary Hobbit entered. "Sorry about that." She replied. "I think Video Game Help Hobbit is a bit high on Hippy Hobbit's incense." "Quite alright." Said Moony. "Will you tell us what the word 'Nullify' means?"  
  
Dictionary Hobbit folded her hands upon her stomach. "NULLIFY" she said "\'ne-le-,fi\ trans-" "JUST TELL US WHAT THE BLOODY WORD MEANS!" said Prongs. "To make of no value or consequence." Dictionary Hobbit vanished.  
  
"So, your donkey is worth no value?" Moony asked. "Yep." Replied Kevin. "WEHEHEHEHEHHEHEH! OOOO! I wet 'em!" mused Padfoot. "Shut up and go change your pants!" scolded Prongs. Padfoot whimpered and pulled a pair of extra pants out of Moony's nose, then proceeded to change his pants.  
  
"Now, so you saw a cat being carried off by an.er. vegitititable? "Yep." "Can you describe these vegitititables to us?" "Nope." "Why not?" "cuz" "I want a little more than that", said Moony. "Because" "Because why" "'Cuz I didn't see no vegitititables." "I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU DID!" "I lied." This was too much for Moony. Already today, he had been covered with constipated pigeons, almost devoured by killer socks and pants with murderous tendencies, farted his brains out, and lost his dear, dear Mr. Tibbles. "I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!" he stood up. "But. you ARE standing!" Kevin had to blurt out (No really. The three authors were holding killer socks to his head. BUT DON'T TELL ANYONE OR THEY'LL GET YOU TOO! Um. ahem.) Kevin suddenly felt no threat, "What do you mean killer socks", Kevin had to ask. (A/N2: OHHH, now you are in for it!!) Kevin then felt something on the back of his head as a killer sock crawled onto his face., Padfoot then screamed.. "What! Why do I have to be the one screams!! I am not a girly boy like Remus!!!!" "Do you want to say that to my face?!!!", answered Remus. "Okay Okay boys, stop that stop that!!!", Prongs butted in. Padfoot then had a sudden urge to lock something in a closet. He quickly grabbed Kevin by the chest plate that was part of his armor, and pulled him into a closet, and Prongs ran and locked the door and accidentally, locked Padfoot in, and then remembered and opened it and Padfoot ran out. Padfoot's teeth then started to shorten as they went back to their normal size. "Thank you", Padfoot called to the sky. (A/N1: Why, you are quite welcome!) (A/N2 Anytime!) (A/N3: Shut up you guys and lets get back to the story!) (A/N1: Yeah, alright.)  
  
Prongs looked to the others. "What should we do now, eh lads?" "Lets learn how to dance!" "But we cant learn how to dance out here!" cried Moony. "Why not? I think this is a great place to learn how to dance!" said Padfoot. "Yeah, but if we dance out here, Moony will get dirt in his hair!" Prongs snickered, and Padfoot laughed as well. "No! We have to find my Tibbles!"  
  
Padfoot and Prongs looked at him in horror, loud thumps and screams of pain coming from the closet behind them. It was a while before anyone said anything.  
  
"H-h-how did you lose them?" "WHAT?!" "How did you lose your tibbles?" "You should remember! You WERE with me!" Prongs and Padfoot looked, bewildered at each other, and then back to Moony. "Did they come off when you farted?" "NO!" "Did you drop them out the window?" "YES!" Prongs and Padfoot looked at each other again completely stupefied. " But then again, I don't know what you mean by 'them'. I only had one Tibbles...." Both Prongs and Padfoot rushed forward and hugged Moony as tight as they could. "WE'RE SO SORRY, MOONY!" Moony (suddenly understanding) then got a disgusted, yet pensive look on his face, "YOU SICKOS!!!!"  
  
The journey to find Moony's tibbles. err. Mr. Tibbles, would be a long one. Indeed.  
  
To be Continued in EPISODE III! 


End file.
